The old (very old) joke is that 134% of all statistics on the internet are made up.

Here’s an email I got today that proves my case…

Did you know that up to 50% of all new patients are lost at the front desk because of poor call handling?

Fortunately, there’s an easy fix! Until midnight on Friday 4/8, you can get my entire video tutorial training on turning your Front Desk into a Marketing Machine.

Yes, well, up to a point, one might say.  Do people believe such stats any more?  I think there might have been a time when they did, but now?  I doubt it.

In my view, it is only possible to get away with this kind of thing if you say something like ”It is a truth universally acknowledged…”

That can work because the language used is infinitely more beautiful than “up to 50%” (which in any case is basically meaningless since all figures from 0% up to 50% come within that category) and far less boring.

What’s more someone might recognise the quote and think, “ahhh – this writer at least has read a little English lit” (although maybe you have picked up a book of quotes – but even a book of quotations can be fun.)

So it might bring a smile, and it will probably grab attention – which is the key to everything.

And of course you can’t get done by the Advertising Standards Authority for quoting a classic.  At least I don’t think you can.  (That would be a really interesting case, I think.  You write an advert that says, “All the world’s a stage” and someone goes to the ASA and says, “prove it”).

In reality, everyone quotes stats, so you are unlikely to get anything much by way of sales out of quoting stats.  If you want to quote, quote something quite different.  Such as….

“Vanity and pride are different things”

It might not have anything to do with your product or service, but it gets attention, and getting attention is the very first rule of direct marketing, for without it, you are lost (in my humble opinion).

Try a sales letter that starts…

“Mr. Collins is a conceited, pompous, narrow-minded, silly man”*

Who knows who Mr Collins is, unless, as above, your reader is of a literate turn of mind.  But even though your recipient has no idea what you are talking about it doesn’t matter.  It grabs you by the throat, it makes you say “what?????” and most of all it makes you read on.

* Pride and Prej: chap 24.

(There is of course the problem that you might actually be writing to a Mr Collins, but then, you can’t win them all).

There’s more thoughts on the creativity behind direct marketing on www.goodad.co.uk, and you can stay in touch with all this sort of thinking (and lack of it) via Twitter @HHMailings.

If you would like to have adverts of this nature created for you, or indeed if you would like to discuss using this approach (without obligation, cost or quotes from Ms Austen) do call 01536 399 000.

Tony Attwood

PS: Here’s one more headline which I offer for free, from the same source.  Put this at the top of an email and I guarantee that you will double the open rate.  If I am wrong, I will say sorry.

Elizabeth’s astonishment was beyond expression

Hamilton House Mailings Ltd reg number 2444392 VAT 354907535GB.  Phone 01536 399 000.